


It was better off

by can_opener



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Jealous, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 04:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4732787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/can_opener/pseuds/can_opener
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How ironic it was that he refused to believe it yet we always meet at my bedroom since two months ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It was better off

**Author's Note:**

> beta: fewisnotonfire on tumblr ♥

Today is just a typical day for me. I slept last night. I woke up, made coffee, went to school, and did all the things a student should do. It was supposed to be a flawless day, until I saw the object of my affections locking lips with someone who isn’t me. It hurt, but you knew you had to stop, since you won’t be going anyway. It hurt, but I was used. 

I know it wasn't supposed to happen. Seeing Dan acting lovey-dovey as shit with another guy wasn't the sight I wanted to see. I thought I had done everything right, but did I know that it wouldn't leave him satisfied in our relationship?

What was wrong with me? I didn't really look that bad. I wasn’t not even smelly! I respected everybody and I was as polite as I could be. In short, I had been nothing but a good boyfriend to him. What more did he want?

To be honest, there was never an actual 'us'. We weren't even in an official relationship. But besties-with-benefits thing kept going on and on for months so it really felt needless for us to label anything. Oh good Caedmon, if I had only knew.

Turned out, he only used me to make his ‘boyfriend’ jealous. What were they trying to do, re-enact Nick Jonas' song, Jealous? But how could their consciences carry the fact that they had scarred someone down during their little game? It was just simply unacceptable. I hoped his cheater of a boyfriend burned in hell.

Deep down, I knew he was too blind to see the flaws of his ‘boyfriend"’, though. Through a once-unbiased eyes, he slept with numerous people every week. But did Dan see through that angelic cover his ‘boyfriend"’gave him? No. Instead, Dan looked at him like he was the light of his world. His supposed ‘forever’. As if Aiden could be his ‘forever’. To Aiden, Dan wasn’t enough. Hell, he didn’t even possessed true feelings for dan. Dan definitely knew this, but did he act upon it? Definitely not. How ironic it was that he refused to believe it yet we always meet at my bedroom since two months ago. If only I knew he used me to make Aiden come back to him.

That was simply foolish. As if ‘forever’ existed. Only people who were wrapped in folly for their whole lives believed in that ‘forever’ shit. Even your life had an end, so how could forever’ love exist?

I wish he fell for me, though. That would’ve made many things easier. I knew he was better off with me. I wish he would stop being blind to his ‘boyfriend’s’ flaws. I wish he would see how toxic their relationship was. I wish Dan had the capacity to love me. But I knew he couldn’t and wouldn’t ever be. Heck, anyone taking a real interest to shy, goody two-shoes Lester? That would be a real sight. Plus, I was too prideful to change for anyone. I was not stepping anyone's shoes, was I? So why change?

They say to accept is better than to forget. I saw the sense, actually. When you accept, you knew the fact that you two would never be together. You know you were not meant to be with a specific person and you were okay with that, because you knew life went on and there would be more chances next. You knew you were meant to be together, but it isn’t the time yet.   
There would be a high chance that you two would stay as friends.

However, when you forget, you let your pride swallow you. If you pretend nothing happened between the two of you, even though it was the contrary of it. But what if that spectific person would come back? Would forgetting them heal your broken heart? No. 

They say time heals, but does it really has to do anything that concerns time?

That was what I was gonna do. I was gonna be a martyr and accept what happened. And boy, it was the hardest thing I did in my whole 18 years of being alive.

 

*

 

 

Time passed more quickly than I thought it would.. Or maybe I was just too busy to notice anything. It had been five years since it happened. Yes, I had finally succeeded in accepting, but the feeling was still there. It never died, but it also never lighted me up. It was just there, reminding me that we were not finished yet.

So here I was, rushing to Starbucks to buy coffee. I knew my class would start in thirty minutes, but I loved to be early so I could write more. But the coffee maker in my apartment got broken, so I had to spend most of my mornings lining up in the long line until I could find the time to buy a new coffee maker.

I was about to order my usual Caramel Macchiato when someone bumped me. Both of our things fell into the ground, and I resisted the urge to swear out loud.

"Oh shit mate, I'm so so sorry. Oh my god, did I break something? Oh my god let me pay it for you," He looked into my eyes, and it was my turn to say, "Oh my god."

"Phil?"


End file.
